Ok..this time is better..After 14 months of disappearing...Seriously, writing in a blog definitely not my first choice of tea. And why suddenly I remember this space, while is just a random thought pass through my mind. That's it! Maybe I am too bored and think of something better to do rather than just watch some youtube or movie for the past few hours while waiting for someone to appear.
Compare to the last blog that I post, that is totally 360 degrees of change in my life. Everything has change. Life, family, job maybe relationship. Even myself, I might be changed from the past 14 months. First, I changed my job again. Yeah, it seems every job I changed there will be a blog been posted here. Coincident? Or just timing. I am back to the company which I had spent the most time previously in my career past history. Yeah. Chinese saying, good horse wont went back to the previous field to eat the grass. So, I am not a good horse than. Who cares by the way... Haha.... 3rd month in the new (well, not that new new) role in this company. Struggle as usual but definitely I will strive for another few months before I make any decision. Life definitely need to try and give sometime on it.
Family wise, I am totally alone now for the past 3 months. Well, I am still surviving. And my friends around felt that I can overcome this pretty well or more than better. But, this is me. Things still keep inside me, maybe this is my way of recovering and maybe I don't know how to ask for help as I think this is my own problem and I should overcome it. That's me. Certain time, I am really hope someone to rely on but in the meanwhile I am afraid to rely on someone and I lost my stand. Pretty dilemma huh. Maybe I should look for balance in between.
Recently, something really changed. Someone might be appear. And it seems too fast for me to cope sometime or to adapt. Someone is there for me, offer his time and life that wish I could spend the rest of the life with him (well, at least this is what he told me). If this happen, it is a long distance relationship. I would always wonder, what on earth I could make myself into this scenario. I thought I will be single for the rest of my life (maybe my low esteem self caused me to think of it). But, things are moving fast. Too fast. Maybe we chat a lot on our future view. And I am keep thinking, am I suitable to be a wife? Housewife? Mom? I really don't know. Seriously. Maybe I have never been in a relationship before, so all these question pop up in my mind now. A lot of them. That's why it come to me of thinking am I suitable to rely on someone? Will it be too rely on him? We haven't before but if everything smooth, we will meet pretty soon. He has his career and he is ready for me to rely on him and he hopes that I can be a full time housewife which I doubt to myself. Seriously. I haven't know or experience to be someone girl friend. Now, thinking of being someone wife?! Oh my God. I am thinking as well. Maybe Love is the answer. When you love someone, you will sacrifice for him. But, in the meanwhile, will I lost myself? This is what keep myself suspending. People always don't think too much. Am I thinking too much until my mind can't stop? Should I just give it a try and just faced whatever obstacle waiting in front of me. A quote from Albert Einstein that I read in facebook which is ''A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new'' So, I just have to move on and don't think that much?
Recently watch some Love Variety Show in youtube and I am thinking myself, what kind soulmate that I am looking for? I need someone which is mature than me and let me depends on, help me to solve my problem when I am facing one. I know he can do that, but just that am I ready to be someone he needs? Someone to take care of his house and to become his children's mom? See, now it goes. My mind keep spinning and spinning. I should make it stop. Chinese saying, saw a step, move a step. Things will clear and solve when the time comes. Don't think too much as this is always what I unintentionally did. For him, I am a straight forward person and sincere person. I am such a person in nature but just that I can't while in the society. He appreciate that from me and I am appreciate that I can be honest and talk direct to him for discussion. I like this kind of feeling by not hiding anything. If success, I have to sacrifice my comfortability in my own country, my friends and family to move to somewhere else which I need to start to adapt everything from scratch.
As a conclusion, life change. Sometime I am thinking too much, but I believe everything that I encounter is a lesson in my life. Life is all about chapters of lesson and challenges we face everyday.
Hope in this next blog, I am in a happier life. Till then, we shall meet again. Adios!
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